Time has not healed Salim Tourabari’s emotional scars from the Paris terrorist attacks 10 years ago, and the images of that night at the Stade de France still linger.
The November 2015 attack began at France’s national stadium and spread throughout the city, killing 132 people and injuring more than 400. One person was killed and at least 14 injured outside the Stade de France that night, but the death toll could have been much higher had it not been for Toulavalry’s vigilance.
It was Tourabari who stopped Bilal Hadfi, one of the three bombers who targeted the National Stadium during the French soccer team’s match against Germany, from entering the building.
Mr Tourabary’s actions were praised by then-President François Hollande, the Interior Ministry and the general public. But his own suffering, which had been relentless since that night, went unnoticed.
“I was seen more as a hero than as a victim,” Tulabary told The Associated Press in a recent interview. “But this part of being a victim is within me as well.”
Later on Thursday, France played Ukraine in a World Cup qualifier at the Parc des Princes stadium in Paris, where a commemorative ceremony was planned and Tourabary was invited by the French Football Federation.
“I’m going there with a heavy heart,” he said. “It’s been 10 years like it was yesterday that we were attacked.”
stop the bomber
Thora Barry was stationed at Gate L as a stadium security guard.
Hadfi tried to enter but was stopped by Toorabari, who spotted him following another fan through the turnstiles.
“A young man appeared. He was right behind someone and was moving forward without showing his ticket. So I said to him, ‘Sir, where are you going? Show me your ticket.’ But he just kept going and wasn’t listening to me,” Tulabary told The Associated Press. “So I stuck my arm out and put my arm in front of him so he couldn’t get in. And he said to me, ‘I gotta get in, I gotta get in.’ It made me question it.”
Thorabary kept an eye on Hadfi, 20, who was standing a few yards away.
“He was stationed right in front of me and watching me work, so I radioed and warned[my fellow guards]: ‘Be careful at every gate. There’s a young man in black with a young face. He’s trying to get in. Don’t let him in,'” Thulabarry recalled. “He stood in front of me for about 10 minutes, watching me work. That’s when I got really scared. I was afraid he would go back, that I wouldn’t see him. I stared at him, he stared at me, and suddenly he disappeared into the crowd and slipped away.”
Thora Barry’s warning worked. Hadfi was refused entry to another area, after which his explosive vest detonated.
explosion
Two explosions occurred nearby during the first half of the match. The first explosion occurred around 9:20 p.m. near Gate D, and the third near a fast food restaurant near 10 p.m.
I remember them clearly.
“I felt the floor shaking,” he said. “There was a burning smell in the air that was different from the smell (of smoke bombs).”
That night he also tended to a wounded man.
“I took care of him and made him lie down. He had this bolt (piece of metal) in his thigh,” Thulabarry said. He still talks to this man. “I looked at my hands and there was blood on them. I didn’t have gloves on and there were pieces of flesh on my hands.”
Mr Thulabarry said he and other security officials were instructed not to inform spectators of the attack to avoid a potential situation in which 80,000 people tried to leave at the same time.
“Supporters inside had no way of knowing that the Stade de France had been attacked, otherwise it would have caused a huge panic,” Tourabary explained. “Some fans came up to us at halftime and asked, ‘What happened? Was there a gas explosion in the restaurant in front of the stadium?'” To avoid causing panic, we didn’t answer them. ”
After the match, the stadium announcer told the spectators which exit gate to use, and many, including Toolabary, took the train home.
traumatic images
Five days after the attack, Hadfi was called to the police station to identify him as one of the bombers. Tulavalley had no forewarning of what was to come.
“They showed me a photo and his (Hadfi’s) head was separated from his body. Forensic police (police officers) were holding his head down,” Thulabari said. “I officially recognized him. Indeed, there was a man in front of me, standing there, who was alive and now is no longer alive.”
Hadfi’s face is still etched in Thulabari’s mind.
“The images were very violent, someone’s head was separated from the body. Then there was an explosion, there was a burning smell, and my hands were full of human flesh. Those images stayed in my mind for 10 years.”
Mr. Toulavalry’s wage that night was 40 euros (about $46). “I suffer from post-traumatic stress. It’s very severe and very violent.”
Scary memories can appear at any time.
“When I’m with you and I’m talking to you, all of a sudden my mind goes back to that,” Ms. Thulabarry said. “This is a very difficult problem to deal with. It handicaps you.”
talking helps
Ms Torrabary said it would be helpful to see a psychiatrist and tell people what happened. However, he received no psychological support at the time of the attack or in the months that followed.
“This is how trauma begins,” says Tulabary. “The fact that it’s still there for 10 years is proof of that.”
He dealt with mental distress alone and could have saved hundreds of lives.
“Every time I go back to the Stade de France, I can’t help but think about it,” President Hollande told L’Equipe newspaper. “I understand what would have happened if there had been an attack inside the stadium or if the crowd had panicked.”
Former France midfielder Blaise Matuidi called Tourabary “more than a hero”, adding: “What would have happened if terrorists had invaded? Just talking about it gives me chills.”
Pugmire writes for The Associated Press.
