All things being equal, it’s better to win than to lose.
“It’s become a lot easier,” he said.
Krikorian should know that, having won championships as a water polo player and coach and many others, including 24 world championship and Olympic titles as coach of the U.S. women’s team.
But if winning is easier, Krikorian believes losing can be more revealing.
“Adversity is a test of character more than anything,” he said. “It’s easy to become the person you want to be when you’re winning and you’re successful. But it’s a lot harder to try to become that person when you’re not at the top.”
“It’s even more of an honor.”
That philosophy was put to the test on the biggest stage of Krikorian’s career last month, when, despite widespread expectations of an unprecedented fourth consecutive gold medal, the U.S. women’s team lost their final two games despite being trailing by just one point. 1 second The final 64 minutes.
In an instant, the team went from medal contenders to empty-handed for the first time at a Summer Olympics, years of sacrifice, dedication and training gone untouched.
“I was in tears,” Krikorian said of the moment. “There’s just so much emotion and feeling. There’s so much anger, frustration and sadness.”
But there was also an opportunity, because Krikorian didn’t think of himself as just a coach: He was also a leader, and that was exactly what the 13 women huddled around him crying poolside needed.
So they came together, took responsibility, shed tears and paid tribute to the women who had beaten them. Winning isn’t always about the final score, but sometimes it’s about how you respond to the result.
“That’s life. It’s a reality of life,” he said at the time. “You don’t get to the top of the podium every time. We lost to better teams. You have to learn from heartbreaking moments like this. You have to put things in perspective.”
Krikorian’s approach has become a rarity, which makes the lessons he teaches about grace, sportsmanship and humility all the more important, said Richard Lapchick, director of the Institute for Diversity and Ethics in Sports at the University of Central Florida.
“At a time when ethics and values are often forgotten in the pursuit of winning, Coach Krikorian taught his players that defeat was an opportunity to demonstrate greatness. He told his players to demonstrate character, and they followed his lead. He taught his players that it was OK to lose if they overcame the loss, played hard and showed character when they lost,” Lapchick said. “I hope these lessons stay with them after they’re done playing sports.”
Like the fictional football coach, , Krikorian speaks inspirational quotes as often as he speaks in complete sentences. Many of those quotes come from , the legendary UCLA basketball coach and Krikorian’s mentor, who also values character over winning.
“He has a great quote,” Krikorian began, reciting one of Wooden’s favorite lessons.
No written word or verbal plea can tell young people what they should be, nor can all the books on the shelves. It is the teachers themselves that matter.
“One of my goals when I started coaching was to be someone who inspires people and brings out the best in others,” Krikorian continued. “And I have a set of values that I try to live by. When you have something that guides you, it’s a lot easier.”
The three-time Olympic goalkeeper said the U.S. team has long relied on Krikorian’s belief.
“Adam’s leadership shines through,” said Johnson, a two-time gold medalist and multiple world championship winner.
“We talk a lot about perspective, what we want, where we want to go and so on. A lot of it is not just about how you want to be perceived as an athlete, who you want to be as a person, who you represent. Just realizing that you’re enjoying your career, and not many people get to do that. So even the disappointing moments are met with perspective and joy.”
Krikorian learned perspective the hard way: He watched his brother Blake die of a heart attack at age 48 just before the 2016 Rio Olympics and his father Gary pass away at age 81 two months before the Tokyo Olympics, and he’s also lost four college teammates and one UCLA player at young ages.
Jim Toering was 23 when he was hit by a bus in Paris during a national team tour. Brett Stern was 31 when he died in a car accident in Irvine. Brian Bent died of sleep apnea at 29 and Terry Baker died of cancer at 43. Marco Santos, whom Krikorian coached on the national team, died of ALS three weeks before his 29th birthday.
If anyone had reason to feel bitter about his fate, it was Krikorian, but he channeled his sorrow in a different direction.
“I can’t explain why, but I have a greater appreciation for my life,” said Krikorian, who keeps a diary and speaks regularly with the team’s sports psychologist, Peter Hubbell. “I’m grateful for everything I have, my health and the life I’ve had.”
Athletes’ mindsets are also being tested: Before this summer’s Olympics, team leader Maddie Musselman learned that her husband, Patrick Oopes, has stage 4 lung cancer, and just days before the opening ceremonies, U.S. captain Maggie Stephens’ sister-in-law, Lulu Conner, suffered a near-fatal medical emergency in Paris.
Earlier, three players survived a deadly shooting at a country music festival in Las Vegas, another narrowly escaped a terrorist bomb attack at a train station in Belgium, and two were injured when a balcony collapsed in South Korea.
Given those real-life tragedies, it was easy for Krikorian and his players to view what happened in the pool in Paris as just a game: The U.S. lost to Australia on penalties in the semifinals and then lost to the Netherlands in the bronze-medal game after conceding a last-minute goal.
And in every game there are winners and losers.
Over a late breakfast of scrambled eggs and bacon at a cafe near his South Bay home, a few weeks after returning from Paris, Krikorian acknowledged that his two losses still haunt him, but he continues to embrace the lessons they taught him.
“Success in life is often determined not by how you react to victory, but how you react to defeat, how you handle adversity,” he said.
“Like all of us, I wish I didn’t have to deal with adversity, but it reminds me that it’s just a part of life. There’s an acronym I once heard: ‘FEAR’. It’s either ‘Flee and Fear It All’ or ‘Face It All and Stand Up and That’s my choice.”
Krikorian didn’t learn it from Wooden; he said the mindset came from life experience as well as from his father, who played football at Occidental with future NFL coach Jim Mora and future AFL champion quarterback Jack Kemp.
“I consider myself mature because I’m 50,” Krikorian said, “I don’t know if I had the same mindset when I was 20. I’m a product of my parents and I understand where all of this fits in my life, and I think about my dad a lot.”
“Something my dad always taught us growing up was to learn to take defeat with grace, so for me, in a way, it’s about honoring my dad.”
Krikorian’s two children, Annabelle, 15, a track and field athlete at Mira Costa High School, and Jack, 18, a swimmer, also inherited their grandfather’s philosophy of sportsmanship.
“I’m always impressed by how he praises, encourages and respects even his biggest rivals,” Krikorian said. “He always shakes their hand and wishes them good luck. Sometimes it seems to amaze them.”
With four years to go until the Los Angeles Games, Krikorian’s future with the U.S. team remains unclear. He nearly resigned after winning three straight gold medals in Tokyo but now admits he is excited by the prospect of coaching at the Olympics in his adopted home state.
But the decision won’t be his: Jamie Davis, CEO of USA Volleyball for the past eight years, will take on a similar role at USA Water Polo starting Oct. 1, replacing Christopher Ramsey, who originally hired Krikorian out of UCLA in 2009.
But he questions the wisdom of returning, given the tragic history surrounding Krikorian’s teams.
“It might sound ridiculous, but it’s like not wanting to coach in 2028 because you’re scared someone’s going to die,” he said. “It’s an irrational thought, but it’s one that’s floated around.”
Johnson, who became the only Black woman to play on the U.S. Olympic water polo team since Krikorian named her to the national team in 2016, said the program would be different without him.
“It’s been fun playing for Adam,” said Johnson, the goalkeeper with the most titles in women’s water polo history.
“The attitude that you see, the wins that we’ve had, the success that we’ve had, the progress that you see is a reflection of the impact Adam has had on us. I’m sure he touched a lot of people. His empathy, his leadership, he’s definitely changed this program for the better.”
And it’s those last ones, not wins or titles, that Krikorian wants to be remembered for.
“Many times when people introduce me to their friends, they say, ‘This guy won three gold medals at UCLA and won 15 national championships,'” Krikorian said. “I feel good because I’m grateful, but it’s always been a little frustrating for me. I don’t want anything to do with water polo on my tombstone because that’s not how I want to be remembered.”
“At the end of the day, you’re judged by who you are as a person.”
